I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
