I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
