just tell him i said nine months
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize
