i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We just shotgunned beers for America
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
