she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
