I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
