I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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