you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We left the knife in your bed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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