Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
