You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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