in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
