I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
