we have pet lesbian snakes
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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