Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My vagina is officially offended.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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