Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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