Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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