Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
