It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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