WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
