forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
