Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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