hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
