forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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