and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
