They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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