Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and she was petting her beer can
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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