GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My balls are so social today.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
