woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
