You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
