I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
