4 words: hood of his car
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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