just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
