When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
