based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
