he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
