I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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