then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
