these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
