Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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