so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
