Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
