cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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