I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
