why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
