there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
smell my finger.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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