i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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