we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
