My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So many bounce houses so little time
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
