Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
