I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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