He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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