He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
