The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
