Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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