I just made out with a guy for $7.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
