Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
